DI Hogan

We were in the shop one day when John Nash came in and said he hadn't seen D I Hogan for a few days (no one called him by his first name but he was a District Inspector so the D I stuck). So me Da called my mother out to the shop and we headed down to his house. He lived alone in a little shack in Coolreagh that was to say the least a little run down. 

We drove up to the door and did a little recce around and the ould lad thought he saw D I in the bedroom (how he could see through the window I'll never know).

"OK Ger break the front door down" 
"Feck off Da you'd better call the Guards"
"Feck, I suppose we'd better, but they are fecking useless you know"

No mobiles that time so we went to Nash's house and called the guards. A while later Guard Ryan arrived and looked at the house.

"Is he in there Michael"
"Of course he is you thick shite" (My father didn't really get on with the Guards)
"OK I will break in the front door, stand back"

He took a step or two back and ran at the door hitting it a good belt with his shoulder. He bounced off and measured his length on the path

"Feck" said the ould lad "Ger, the door"

Now I was a fit lad in those days and well, one well placed boot in the lock area and the door was open. Guard Ryan (rubbing his tender shoulder) said officiously "I will go in first and secure the building"

Secure the building, what the feck, it only had two rooms. Well 5 seconds later he was back out throwing his ring up on the path.

"Is he in there" the ould lad inquired innocently, as he strolled in the door. A short while later he shouted "Ger in here NOW". I went in and D I was there in the bed alright and he wasn't a pretty sight, he must have been there a good week or two. Anyway we wrapped him in the bed clothes and the ould lad drove back for a coffin. While we were waiting Guard Ryan radioed in and got a Doctor to come out to confirm that D I was indeed deceased.

The doctor left after saying D I was indeed dead (he earned his money that day) and we were left to carry the body out of the house in the bed clothes (you couldn't turn the coffin in the small hall) When we placed the body in the coffin some air was expelled and Guard Ryan promptly fainted. 

"Fecking Guards, good for feck all" said the ould lad as he left for the mortuary leaving me to revive Guard Ryan.

Sensitive soul  my father.......